svinsane

self worth

2009-01-08T03:33:32Z

I think if I had any I wouldn't be in the spot I'm in [talking to nobody & thinking things that I shouldn't be thinking]. I've had every chance in the world to get a head and I've done nothing of any worth. It truly is pathetic! Every girl/woman who's paid attention to me has: A]cheated on em with other guys B] used to to get closer to someone I knew C] used me to make their ex jealous

Hell who do I have to talk to? A fucking empty blog that no-one reads Christ help me I am a lost cause

wow

2009-01-07T02:57:33Z

5 months till i'm outta a job. No prospects for a new one. It's starting to get to me, last night I started thinkin about it n couldn't sleep! i think i got 4 hours maybe!

I should be able to sleep tonight, 5 beers just started to take the edge off me. hell if this keeps up I'll be broke [spending money to go fast] hoping to not wake up some day..........or to become a smear like what should have happened last time.

fuck I'm breaking up & no one seems to care or notice!

One of us has to go..........I dunno what'll happen

You should know.........

2008-10-11T07:24:12Z

I don't seek attention, I seek obliteration

He he

2008-08-23T08:07:45Z

Reasons to live: 0 (2 details to take care of)

Reasons to Die: 7.62!

He he he!

svinsane @ 2008-08-06T22:35:00

2008-08-07T02:36:44Z

Give me something thing to believe.............right now all I've got is nothing and I'm approaching it fast!

something's wrong

2008-08-06T01:48:47Z

Lately I've been having problems focusing and staying upbeat (which should be pretty easy for a guy in my position). But my mind has been dark and turning to all consuming thoughts that I shouldn't be thinking. And since I rarely see friends, on the times I do see them it's just idle chit-chat, nothing meaningful. Then add to the fact that everyone sees me as indestructible, unbreakable, tough guy and it's impossible to ask for help or to get anyone to really listen. It would've been better to work in another town/state because at least people would have a reason for not being around.

There's definitely something not quite right with me. I don't think I'll ever know what it is because it'll drive me over before I figure it out. But in the words of HST "the edge is out there. The only ones who really know where it is have gone over it, into the place of definitions"

Hopefully I'll be able to change before the place

wow

2008-07-27T02:24:16Z

just when I need some friends around the most, they all bail and/or avoid me..........why should I not be surprised.

New Job

2008-06-30T03:15:26Z

Well I start work tomorrow and I'm nervous as hell. I've been nervous a lot more than usual this year. I guess Shit has been making some major changes............weird!

Any-who I'm nervous as hell....more about the job tomorrow!

tough choice

2008-05-30T23:51:37Z

Well I've got Moe back, but he can't used his back legs at all. There is, at best, a 50% chance that he might get use of them again. I feel like a bad person but I thinking about I'm having him put down. So far he hasn't eaten anything day (the food and water are right next to him) so I'll give him until tomorrow. If he hasn't improved (eating and or moving some) I think it'll be best to put him to sleep. I don't think he'd want to be stuck in one room (my house has lots of steps that I didn't notice until now) unable to do anything really. Ya he'd be alive but the quality of life would be in the toliet!

Damn hard choice to make but I'm going to make it.......and just hope that I'm right.

I'm a bit of a wreck right now..........

2008-05-29T17:22:27Z

.............Moe Kat had a heart attack this morning. Dunno yet if he will make it or even recover. At this point I'd be glad to know he went peacefully..................furry little bastard!

amazing......

2008-04-03T13:59:44Z

.......when friends needed me I showed up, but when I need my friends they are no where to been seen! Now I'm at school 6 days a week at least8 hours a day stressing over the BUV (my senior project), trying to get a job (its not going well), money (how I'm going to pay my bills next month), and no food in my house (I've been eating PB&J and spaghetti for the past week).......I guess I have a decent reason to be depressed

d~

owwwwww!

2007-10-08T02:40:50Z

My leg throbs and life kinda stinks!

OK here we go

2007-06-25T02:15:01Z

Comment and I shall:
1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Associate you with a character/pairing.
6. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
8. In return, you must post this in your LJ.

fuck......

2006-10-18T14:31:02Z

if i didnt have bad luck, i'd have no luck at all!..............and right now no luck at all would be nice

shite....

2006-09-16T17:42:40Z

......one of my closest friends is about to go to hell on earth...........and i wish i could be there with him

shite......

2006-08-24T19:11:15Z

.........no matter what i do someone always attacks me, i hurt, my hands seem to be falling apart and all i want now is a little mercy................that'll never happen

only me.........

2006-08-10T18:07:43Z

...........can stick both feet in my mouth at the same time, it never fails when im talking to someone i usually find the totally wrong thing to say the blurt it out, thinking it might be a misteak only after i've said it........never seems to fail when im out n about..........ah well i guess being broke will fix that (cant afford to go out!).......some people are truly gifted at being able to talk others into doing anything and everything, me i gifted at making things work and working with numbers...........i guess i dont give myself enought credit on somethings.......example, the other day at work i moved a 150+ pound box by myself, not easy but not that hard either, yet i still dont consider myself that strong...........or the last few times i've been out riding the SV i've been able to scrape the pegs (a lotta lean angle and speed involved there) but i dont consider myself that fast.......these things seem to be related (self confidence and being a smooth tounged) but where does self confidence start and the ego (similar but not quite the same i think) begin?............or where does the balance between being a smooth talker and being good at getting things done lie? not that they are 2 totally different goals (smooth talker vs. getting things done) but it seems to me most people either talk or work, very few do both................me im trying to be balanced, but i think im failing at it...........i guess all i can do is try and just go with it

drew

svinsane @ 2006-08-04T13:55:00

2006-08-04T17:57:32Z

Im not anti-social, i just hate everyone!

to do tomorrow

2006-07-25T04:09:06Z

-get bolt outta SV exhaust pipe
-get broken adjuster out KLR
-get a picture of GB (going up for sale)
-deposit check in bank
-movie to cooper at Library
-get replacement blots for SV exhaust at lowes
-order new adjuster for KLR at cycle specl.
-do homework
-adjust speaker wires in S-10
-go to work

future tasks
-finish paneling garage
-rewire/move switch in garage
-finsh light in bathroom
-remove tile from other bathroom (slowly)
-write thank you notes
-post GB for sale on-line
-start on lab for next week
-study for quiz

at times i wonder if im not pushing myself hard enough or is it im pushing too hard?.......i can tell but for now im going to have to pick up the pace a bit, so much for the social life i never had!

drew

Life....

2006-07-23T06:45:17Z

..........it seems that my life is fairly stagnat right now, im not really workin towards any goal or achivement (ok school, but thats just a constant grind......hell i'll probly always be in school or learning) but i mean im not trying to achive anything, im not pushing myself to limits to try and do something........not that i should be totally goal driven, but it is good to have some sort of idea of what you want to do with your life/ where are you going...........hell after i graduate (spring 2008 hopefully) i have no clue what i want to do with the rest of my life.......i should at least have a few ideas rather then being clueless....but then again when you plan shite out and things change the plan goes to hell in a handbasket......i dunno, im just kinda stuck in a grind and i think im going to change it up a bit just to see how it is.......i dunno what im doing with my life andit scares me.........ah well who can tell what the future will bring

drew

relationships

2006-07-08T20:06:53Z

yet again i cannot turn my thoughts away from this subject......i as i sit and ponder i am amazed at how many people who say they are after a "relationship" let the wrong things guide them into flings................i guess this is where my self control (which few seem to be able to match me on) and morals (yes i have morals and follow them, somewhat) set me far apart......but now im sure if this "higher ground" is good/worth while.......it seems girls i am interested in only see me a friend/brotherly type..................ah well i guess so long as i can ride my heart out i'll stay (fairly) sane (only place i can really go all out........thing is im not afraid to wreck anymore so wonce i wreck, it'll be pretty big and nasty..........but who knows when that will be, i take every sunday (and every day) as they come
drew

addendum

2006-05-23T20:12:49Z

i think part of my problem with meeting new ppl is that i tend to over think things and the way i think is weird enough as is..........plus the fact that some of the girls i go for are just.....well not to sound egotistic, but kinda of below me......i use to think i didnt have high standards but i have realized i do.....and im not sure if thats a good thing or not.......im pretty sire it isnt as a matter of fact, but its hard to accept something less than what im looking for........i guess time and tide will wear me down

drew

ah bloodly hell

2006-05-23T19:43:35Z

..........im getting desperate (aka stupid when it comes to females) something that happens to me quite offten really but now im even thinking of *gasp* internet singles sites........yes its true, mostly because there arent many place you can meet females without seeming like a jerk or like your just looking for sex (which is usually in the back of any guys mind)........so yes im stuck in the quandary of what to do (i havent had much luck with the singles site......long story involving blue balls!) so do i try that or in my spare time go try to find new places to meet females............i dunno

All this seems very ironic to me since most of the females i know say im a great catch/nice guy (which i still think is code for sucker)/just plain awesome.........ah well this is the joys of the single life!

drew

wow....

2006-05-19T21:00:34Z

i guess everyon thinks im a sucker to help others.......so much for the good samaritan idea, i guess thats dead now.............except for me

Nice guy or sucker?

2006-05-19T18:25:40Z

i cant figure out what i am.............drew